08.02.07
Tips for Avoiding Cyber Bullying
Tips for Avoiding Cyber Bullying
Bullying has gone wireless. What is ‘Cyber Bullying’ and what can you do to stop it? School violence expert Derek Randel has some tips you and your kids can use today.
01.27.07
Talking to Your Teen About Drugs
Many parents want to know at what age they should have “the drug talk” with their children. There should not be just one talk. Ongoing, open communication, ideally starting by age eight is appropriate. However it is never too late to start the dialog.
Talk with your teen, not to your teen. They won’t be receptive to a lecture. Look for opportunities to talk about drugs. Television and the news will provide you with more opportunities that you care to have.
While it’s important to stress that drug use is not allowed in your house, merely forbidding your teen to use drugs could back fire on you. However once your stance is clear, you need to be careful that your hard and fast rules don’t cause rebellion. There needs to be a mutual understanding.
After you explain the dangers of drugs and addictions it’s imperative to talk about peer pressure and self esteem. If your teen has the ability to say no and be ok with that decision, it will be so much easier to avoid drugs all together.
Give your teen some suggestion on how to respond by role playing. If you receive an unenthusiastic response such as, “No Mom, I don’t want to do that [to role play], it’s stupid.” Then you still forge ahead with your idea. How they practice their response at home is how they will respond in an actual situation.
Offer suggestions such as “No thanks, let’s go to the mall instead.” Or “Nah, let’s go shoot some hoops.” Another alternative if they feel they need to offer a reason why: “No thanks, I need to [study, stay in shape for tae kwon do, stay clean for gymnastics]”
Let your teen know that you understand they want to be part of the crowd, but that they need to make intelligent decisions. They are not fully capable of understanding ramifications; that is your job to help them choose wisely.
Expect some resistance. You are the parent; and you have been given the responsibility to equip your child to be a responsible, well rounded adult. Remember to keep talking. The drug conversation should not be a one time event. Look for opportunities to bring it up again and again and again.
Helping Teens Deal with Aggression
Children learn what they live. Teenagers are no exception. If they live in a household where shouting, profanity or worse goes on, the likelihood that your teen will deal with aggression in the same manner is high.
But even in households where these examples have not been set, many teens go through an aggressive or acting out phase.
Trying to deal with your teen in the middle of an aggressive episode is like trying to pick up leaves in a windstorm. You may need to remove your teen from the situation, but trying to reason with her is best left until she calms down.
Anger is being upset. Aggression is acting out. It is important to find out why there is so much aggression in your teen. Don’t over look that it could be a chemical imbalance. Other reasons could be guilt, deep seeded anger, fear, feelings of betrayal, entitlement or insecurity.
In some cases outside help will be needed. Counseling at school or by a third party can on occasion work wonders if your child is able to openly discuss concerns with a nonbiased person. Other times you may be able to work toward a resolve with your teen.
He may be harboring feelings that you didn’t even know existed. While not acceptable, these hidden, unresolved feelings can manifest themselves in outrage. Aggression is often brought on by certain triggers. Sit down and discuss these triggers with your teen.
He may be able to tell you that when someone tells him what to do he gets furious. That’s a good starting point to figure out where the control issues are coming from. The fact is all our life people will tell us what to do. That doesn’t stop into adulthood. There needs to be a non-aggressive outlet to channel that emotion into.
While not directly dealing with the emotions, a physical outlet can certainly help. Enroll your teen in a martial arts class. There she will have an opportunity to spar in a controlled environment. She can also learn respect and discipline.
A Tae Kwon Do class may not solve all your teen’s problems, but it is a step in helping him deal with his aggression. Just remember if you keep doing what you have been doing, you will keep getting what you have been getting.
Helping Your Teen Develop a Better Body Image
“I’m fat!” “I’m ugly!” “I have nothing to wear that doesn’t make me look like a cow!”
Despite all your pep talks and positive reinforcement, you can’t seem to get through to your daughter. She’s miserable. You’re saddened that she’s so disheartened with her body. How do you help your daughter develop a good body image?
Below are some tips to help you help your teen daughter:
It’s important for girls to play sports or do some kind of physical activity so that they learn to love their bodies for what their bodies can DO instead of only what their bodies look like. This is key.
Look at magazines with your daughter and talk about how the photos were airbrushed and how the models were made-up so that she understood they were not “real”.
Try to emphasize health over looks. Not everyone is genetically able to be a size 2, but you can still be healthy at a size 12. Girls need to find their comfortable weight and love themselves for who they are instead of comparing themselves to others.
Sports for girls. Some girls start T-ball at the age of 5 and play up until late teens. Even if your daughter didn’t start playing sports at a young age, it’s never too late to start. If basketball, softball or soccer doesn’t appeal to her, try martial arts.
Help her pick out clothing that is flattering to her body. Girls want to wear what everyone else is wearing. Unfortunately not all styles are becoming to all body sizes and shapes.
While you are working toward building your daughter’s image, remind all siblings that teasing, name calling and rude comments about their sister will not be tolerated.
Lastly, if your daughter is overweight you should institute an exercise / healthy eating program family-wide. Start going for runs with her, start a sport, join a gym, anything to get her in shape, healthy, and fit. An overweight teen is going to have a low self image. Work together as a family – it will go a long way in helping your teen daughter develop a good body image.