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Our New Addition
by Linda M. Sharp
Perhaps it was "in the water." Maybe "love was in the air." It could
have even been my "clock ticking." We had talked about it for quite a
while, making sure to include our daughters in the discussions. How
would it affect everyone? Did our home have space? Would they help me? I
must admit, knowing that the decision was ultimately mine, I
procrastinated in making it. I knew I had the support of my family, but
was I ready to undergo another major life change?
So many friends, neighbors, even my husband's secretary had been showing
off their new offspring. It was while cooing over a dear friend's infant
girl, and feeling said infant fill her diaper, that I came to the
conclusion that I too, was finally ready for a new addition to our
family.
We went out the very next day and bought a hamster.
The decision to add a pet to the household should never be taken
lightly. Much like adding a baby to the mix, your life is suddenly being
run by something much smaller than yourself. So frightened by the
prospect of having to potty train yet another set of uneducated
sphincters, my parents were adamantly opposed to any pet that could not
live in water and be buried with a quick flush and a eulogy delivered by
Mr. Tidy Bowl. Believe me, we begged, we pleaded, we promised to feed,
walk, clean a puppy, kitten, moose. (Knowing the answer was always "NO,"
we could have asked for a moose. What difference would it have made?)
However, during the summer of my junior year in high school, my parents
temporarily lost their minds. My younger brothers brought home an
"abandoned" duckling with a broken foot. Not only did my mother take it
to the vet, she bought it special duck feed and allowed it to swim in
the bathtub. My brothers, knowing they were experiencing something rare
- much like a total solar eclipse - brought home another "lost"
duckling. The only thing being eclipsed was my parents' mental state.
Even my father allowed these two wild ducks to roam freely through the
house, sit on his bed and let their poop fall where it may. (Believe me,
you have never lived until you stumble half asleep to the kitchen at
night only to be rudely awakened when your toes connect with cold duck
poop in shag carpet.)
The ducks finally grew up, and my mother bid them a teary farewell at a
neighboring lake. Obviously having watched too many episodes of Wild
Kingdom, she "tagged" them for identification by placing a Hefty bag tie
around one of their ankles. "Marlon Perkins" bid them adieu and headed
back to the safety of the "safari" wagon driven by my father who,
incidentally and appropriately, is named Jim. Try as we might, we never
could find those ducks again. I suspect they were there among the other
waterfowl, but had made it a high priority to pick off the garbage tie
as soon as possible.
Perhaps it was that experience (and the many nights spent cleaning
between my toes) that made me shy away from wanting a full-fledged house
pet just yet. A puppy or kitten would require much time and attention,
and I am not so stupid as to believe my children would help for long. My
middle daughter swears she would not complain about cleaning up after a
dog. Yeah, right. This is a child who develops rickets and launches into
a "Woe Is Me" operetta when asked to pick up her shoes. I can just
imagine her delight when handed a shovel and pail and directed to the
backyard for scooping duty.
So far, the hamster has been a good set of training wheels for my
family. She, yes she (my husband remains woefully outnumbered), is
fairly undemanding. My children assist with cage cleaning duty,
refilling the food bowls, and they enjoy holding her for brief periods.
When Nugget (so named for her frequent offerings) is placed in her ball
and is free to roam the house, they are fastidious about closing the
door to the stairs leading to the basement. (In fact, it was my fault
the two times it was not closed and Nugget got the ride of her life down
22 stairs!) They are learning respect for a pet and the responsibilities
that come with one.
I'm sure the day will come when I am ready to once again expand our
family. I'll feel waves of love wash over me at the thought of getting
up at night to comfort and feed a tiny one. I'll even be ready to
tolerate the endless "accidents" before full "potty training" is
achieved. Until that day, I shall commune with my hamster, safely
ensconced in her cage, and reminisce on the joys of "flossing between my
toes." Quack.
Copyright 2000 by Linda M. Sharp. Reprinted with permission.
Linda Sharp is an internationally published humorist who writes
regularly on the joyous and frustrating world of parenting. Her work
appears across the Internet and wraps around the globe in parenting
publications from Canada to Malaysia.
Linda is co-creator of the award winning website,
Sanity Central —
A Time Out From Parenting! Located at
http://www.sanitycentral.com,
it is totally irreverent, hysterical and packed with enough laughs to
brighten even the weariest of parents! As a mother of three children
(four if you count her husband), she firmly believes that laughter IS
the best medicine. She may be reached via email at
lsharp03@aol.com.
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