Learning from the Youngest

by Terri Cheney

I have four children ranging in ages from 24 to 8. It is the youngest from whom I am learning the most.

Why Katie is the best teacher of the lot, I cannot altogether say. perhaps it is that I am taking more time to look and listen, knowing that she is the last of the brood. Perhaps because she reminds me more of myself at the same age: the same interests, the same dreams, and therefore a great reminder from where I grew.

Katie is teaching me is to trust in my instincts as a parent. There are so many times with the others when I agonized over punishment, guidance, letting go, and intervention. But with Katie, I find that she trusts me completely to do my best for her. I am sure the others did too, but I trusted myself less then.

Katie believes that everything she wants is a possibility; her current plans are to be a Navy admiral, doctor, ballerina, and mom. And she keeps her possibilities open for other professions, as well. Katie believes in trying things on for size: She plays out her dreams, one day running a veterinary hospital for stuffed animals, one day casting every doll she has in her emergency room, and another "testing" soil. Katie has taught me that everything is a possibility and age is not a factor in dreaming new lives for myself.

Katie knows who she is, while I am struggling, trying to find the "right" fit. She easily discards clothing that "isn't me", and rarely feels the need to reinvent herself. She is certain of her likes and dislikes, yet always willing to try anything new at least once and sometimes twice, without fear, before she determines whether the fit is right. She does this with everything, not just clothing, but activities, food, ideas. Katie has taught me to try everything, even if I've never thought to try it before. It may just be a me I haven't yet discovered.

Katie is eager to grow and learn, but also willing to wait to grow. She enjoys her NOW, and isn't impatient to grow to the next stage. I have learned to slow down and stop looking for the next development in my life, because she has taken so much pleasure and fun in her present.

Katie is certain of her wisdom, and finds no need to question if there is a God, for He is as real to her as she is to me. Her spiritual side is developed and while she may question certain aspects, her belief and knowledge of a greater power is certain. She understands that sometimes we can't explain everything, and she trusts instinctively in the unseen powers that surround her. Katie has taught me the power of faith, believing when there is no evidence to believe, except heartfelt instinct.

Katie takes great joy in learning, and everyday she finds a lesson to learn. She requests experiences when none are presented to her, she sets tasks for herself. Recently while reading her a story, she requested that I write down all of the words she didn't know, and with eagerness she spent an hour looking up words and writing down definitions. She uses the encyclopedia regularly, and will search for items on the internet. Katie has taught me to be eager to learn, and to seek out those things that I am curious about.

Katie knows how to practice the art of doing nothing. She can lie quietly and listen to music, sit on the porch and pet a kitten, swing, without worrying about cleaning her room, putting away her clothes, what's for supper. Watching her, I am remembering how to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee while its hot, how to watch leaves drift from the tree outside the window, or to watch clouds build on the horizon. Those peaceful, mindless minutes have given me serenity.

Perhaps the greatest lesson Katie teaches me is that time is not infinite. It is necessary to enjoy every day with our children, to take a few moments to remember that they grow very quickly and move into their own lives, to hug now, to tell them now how much they mean to you, to thank them for sharing their lives with you.

Gratitude is a lesson, too.

Copyright 2001 Terri Cheney.

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