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The Top 10 Tips for Supporting Your Toddler's Emotional Development
by Clare Albright
1. Label the emotions that your child may be feeling when they go
through experiences that could stimulate emotions.
For example, if they slip you can say, "That was scary," and when they
look angry you can say, "You're feeling angry right now." This will help
your child to understand what is happening to them and to be able to
make good choices about how to cope with their emotions.
2. Mirror your child when they share negative emotions by repeating
their sentence.
If your child says, "I'm scared," you can say, "This is scary for you!"
This lets your child know that you care about their pain and that you
can connect with them on that level. Most parents jump quickly to
reassuring or to educational responses, which can leave the child
feeling unheard and alone with their negative emotions.
3. Tell your child what you are feeling when their behavior is upsetting
to you.
By using a direct approach when communicating, you can protect your
child from the guilt and shame that they may internalize because of your
unspoken, non-verbal behavior.
4. Tell your child, "I am angry right now," instead of the common third
person variation, "Mommy is feeling angry right now."
This role-models using "I" statements and creates more vulnerability and
intimacy in the parent-child relationship.
5. Remember that your toddler's emotional "storms" are only a phase that
will soon pass.
When your child throws tantrums, prefers one parent over the other, or
says 'no' continually it may be wiser to ignore their behavior rather
than to 'tangle' with it, 'engage' with it or to try to use discipline.
These storms often disappear as children become more confident and
secure about being a separate person from their parents and having their
own identity - usually by the age of four.
6. Invest extra time to allow your child to try to do things on their
own.
Toddlers love to experiment with putting on clothing, pouring the juice,
housecleaning, etc. This is the developmental stage where your main role
is fostering your child's trust in his/her own self.
7. Use feeling words to strengthen your intimacy with your child and
their capacity to be intimate with others.
An easy way to form strong bonds with others is to share your feelings
and reactions with them. Role model this skill for your child.
8. Consider investing in counseling for yourself.
Your child is most likely going to become a "clone" of who you are in
the area of emotions. If you are irritable, bitter, or anxious, your
child is likely to walk in your footsteps and to become stuck in the
same emotional pot holes that you are stuck in.
9. Remember that children often manifest clinical depression in the
opposite manner of an adult.
If your child goes through a traumatic experience such as a divorce,
death of a loved one, car accident, moving to a new house, etc., they
may become hyperactive and even giddy as a way of coping with their
feelings of loss.
10. Interview several counselors by telephone until one "clicks" for you
- if you feel that your child may be in need of professional counseling.
A good counselor should be able to give you a sense of hope about the
problem in concrete terms that you can clearly understand.
About the Author
This piece was written by Dr. Clare Albright, Psychologist and Parenting
Coach, author of "100 Tips for Parents of Two Year Olds", which can be
downloaded for only $5.77 from
http://www.ParentsOfTwoYearOlds.com
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