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The Short List: Some Thoughts on Time
by Susie Cortright
Is there a subject more charged than that of time, especially among
parents? It's the source of many of our conversations ("How are you?"
"Busy!") and much of our guilt.
Time is also a subject that has been too much on my mind lately, leaving
me feeling a little short of breath without knowing exactly why.
Maybe it's because, of late, we have known way too many people coping
with way-too-early, tragic deaths. Anytime someone younger than you dies
unexpectedly, it tends to make you squint at your life and your choices
and to wonder whether you are going to be granted much more time to
continue making them.
Maybe it's because my middle child started Kindergarten and my baby boy
is turning 4, and it's finally dawning on me that the phrase I have
heard endlessly for the last seven or so years, something about "enjoy
this time because it goes so fast," may, in fact, be sound advice. When
my kids were younger, I would smile politely to all the well-wishers who
said this to me while thinking they didn't know what they were talking
about. Some of those days playing Tea Party and Polly Pockets did not
exactly whiz past. I'm starting to see that the days at home can stretch
long, but the years rush right by. Now it's just me and my youngest
together all day and I find myself holding on to each moment with both
hands.
I find it easier now to nestle into the time spent with my son. Even
apart from him, I find myself spending more time doing things I enjoy
and less time trying to convince myself that I enjoy something that I
really don't enjoy much at all. There is nothing like having a child to
make you realize that your life is very important and very short.
Maybe the key to all this time management talk is to have a really short
list of things that are important to you; things that bring you ultimate
pleasure. And when you get too busy to engage fully in those things,
maybe it's just a cue to back off and shorten the list some more.
When my list gets too long, my kids fall apart. There is one thing I
have discovered I need to do as a parent, at least to my three kids at
their present ages and stages. It is this: Avoid rushing, absolutely as
much as possible. It takes planning ahead, but not a lot. Just adding
three minutes to the process of getting in and out of the car can make
all the difference in the experience, and it has improved my
relationship with my children in a big way. My kids are simply no good
at hurrying. My oldest daughter gets panicky; my younger daughter slows
down even more, no doubt for the attention it inevitably grants her; and
for my youngest, it just ruins all his fun. He quietly hurries along
but not without flashing me a look that says "You are a party pooper."
After some reflection, I realize he's right: Rushing makes me the
ultimate party pooper. I suppose I'm no good at it either. I want to
teach my kids about the proper use of time: I want my kids to let
something inside them determine their pace. I want them to know the joy
of focus and of making conscious choices about how, where, and why they
are spending their time. I want them to know the joy inherent in each
moment and how to hold it there and savor it without squashing it by
rushing through it. I want them to have short lists, with each item
carefully and consciously chosen.
That's what's so appealing (and sometimes misunderstood) about this
notion of the Simple Life. It's not that you shun things that are nice.
It's that you aren't a slave to anyone or anything or any series of
payments. It's that you have the time to sit long on the sofa and talk
to your kids, and pet your dog, and check in on your in-laws, if that is
what you wish to do, and to create whatever you wish to create.
At the end of the day, I want my girls to remember a mama who dressed in
cozy sweaters, and always had time for a long cup of hot chocolate and
to talk in depth about anything at all. Who had the time to write and
think and share and to just be. And I don't have to rush anywhere to do
that.
Each of us has the time to do all the things that are important to us,
as long as each of those things truly deserves a place on your short
list. And the only person who has any sort of say about the items on
that list is you.
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