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Desperately Seeking Support: Support for Mothers
The importance of community
This summer, my car died with my 6-month old and I inside, so I pushed a
rickety second-hand stroller nine miles to my mother’s support group. I
didn’t pack a lunch and the trail snaked deep through an alpine
forest--far from the nearest McDonald's--so I raided my child’s bag of
Cheerios and graham crackers along the way.
When I appeared at the group, a little sweatier than usual, we traded
stories about the barbs we would endure to come together each week.
In our industrialized world, children and moms too often stay isolated
in their homes. Less industrialized countries, on the other hand--where
moms spend more time with other moms--report far fewer cases of
postpartum depression. In fact, researchers say women with support
networks are at a lower risk for minor ailments, such as colds as
well as more serious conditions, such as heart disease.
Experts agree that a support network of other mothers can help moms
share ideas, vent frustration, and compare notes. These groups can be
the ticket to the outside world for moms who are feeling cooped up and
isolated with a new baby, too.
Monica Jones is a stay-at-home mother of two. She says, “Talking to
others in similar situations helped me to realize it’s okay to feel
frazzled, and I shouldn’t feel guilty for needing time for myself.”
The moms in your group could become your best friends throughout your
child’s life. It allows your child to socialize if she is not accustomed
to a group setting, such as day care. My child is still an infant and
she has such a much better day after our mom’s group.
Some groups may allow you to keep your professional skills sharp, as
well. Or to serve the community through volunteer work.
Finding an existing Group
Check out local bulletin boards and newspapers for local groups. Or
contact national organizations, which may have a local chapter in your
area.
Your local librarian, pediatrician, or social services office may know
about an existing group of moms with children in similar age ranges.
Silvia Brugge is a stay-at-home mother of three. She relies on the
support of a diverse network of friends. “I think it’s important to
surround yourself with people who have kids around the same age as your
own,” she says. “However, I also think it’s important to be with other
friends whose children are older. I’ve learned so much from my more
experienced friends.
Forming a new group
If a suitable group does not exist in your area, consider starting one
of your own.
Place an ad in your local newspaper describing yourself as a mother of
young children looking to start a playgroup or mom support group. Once
you have more than one recruit, it becomes easier. Word of mouth travels
fast, and there may be more homebased moms in your area than you
realize.
The best places to find people like you are the places you already
frequent. Get the word out. Post notices in your church or synagogue,
grocery store, and post office.
Most groups meet once each week for two to three hours. If each mother
is a regular, you might want to keep your group at four to five moms.
Limiting the number of moms can help assure that you know them and their
parenting styles. If one mother has an especially divergent parenting
philosophy, she may not be a good match in your group.
Look into securing a public meeting spaces, or simply rotate hosting
duties, each week meeting in another member’s home.
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