Today at Momscape.com: Seven Soul-Nurturing Suggestions for Busy Women | The Art of Rest
Coupons | Product Reviews | Contests | Articles | Forums | Search | Subscribe
Family Fun | Parenting Tips | Romance | Health & Fitness | Organic Living | Weight Loss | WAHMs
Welcome Momscapers!
Momscape.com is an award winning online magazine delivering
uplifting personal essays
from real parents - plus
practical guidance on parenting,
family fun,
romance,
travel,
health & fitness,
weight loss,
and more.
We invite you to share your
MamaWisdom and to help us
spotlight
products that make your life as a mom easier or better while you
enjoy our money-saving
online coupons and
family travel
discounts.
We want to help you enjoy the
simple (and fine) things life has to offer.
Subscribe to Momscape >
or
Get Our Daily Coupon Updates by Email
Bookmark and share Momscape with your friends:
Online Coupons
Today's
Favorite Coupons
All Online
Coupons by Store
All Online Coupons by
Category
Printable
Grocery Coupons
Product Reviews
Momscape's
Favorite Things (Blog)
Top-Rated
Mom Product Reviews
Family Fun
Activities & Crafts
Family Travel
Deals
Free Scrapbooking Ideas
Parenting Articles
Baby Tips
Toddler Tips
All Parenting Articles
Inspiration/Essays
Relationships
Marriage
Romance
Friendships
Health
and Fitness
Fitness Tips
Natural Living
Nurturing Your Spirit
Weight Loss
Professional
Family Manager Tips
Home-Based Business
Community
MamaWisdom Forums
About Momscape
Subscribe
Site Map
Links
Link to Us
Privacy Policy
Terms of Service
About us
Contact Us
How to Stay Calm
My car had just blown its engine, pregnancy was making me crazy, and we had no
money in our pockets (or anywhere else). When I slammed our front door, I
knocked the only plant I had managed to keep alive all season off the
windowsill. Just as the pottery hit the floor and cracked, so did I. I lay face
down in black potting soil and pottery shards and let my Labrador lick the tears
off my dirty face.
That was just before the birth of our first child. Since then, there have been
countless times when I've wanted to curl up on the carpet and cry (scream even),
but the ever-watching kids have made that a luxury I can no longer afford. Now
that I have a two-year-old, I have to struggle to not act like one. I have to
keep my temper under control.
It's more difficult now, too. One of the biggest surprises of motherhood, many
moms agree, is the absolute anger we can feel in no time - and with very little
provocation. Start with a sleep-deprived parent, throw in a troubled teenager, a
whining child, or a colicky newborn, and even the coolest cat may lose her mind.
Releasing our anger in the wrong ways can lead to emotional and physical scars
on our kids. When infants are shaken, even for one heated moment, they can die.
And it takes only a moment to harm their little souls. Weeks ago, I snapped at
my two-year-old. It was an instance that I thought would be forgotten after a
hug and an apology. Until, that is, the next day when she kept asking, "Mommy,
are you mad at me?" Even today, she can sense irritation in just the set of my
jaw and she'll ask again. It breaks my heart to know she must remember when
mommy was mad. It proves how sensitive and impressionable she is and how she is
always, always watching her mommy.
As they watch, these young ones are paying particular attention to the way we
handle difficult situations. And what we model for them will, in large part,
determine their success at controlling their own tempers as they grow up.
So, even in the face of total exasperation, we must stay calm. For a long time,
the advice has been to simply go away for a moment and count to ten, but, as all
moms know, sometimes that's not so easy. A small child may be frightened when
mommy leaves to take a time-out. Sometimes counting to ten just doesn't do it,
and there's no time to count to 100.
So here are a few more tips, compiled just for moms, to help you deal with anger
and stay calm with your kids.
Preventative Measures
The best time to work on staying cool is before you're hot.
Declare a zero-tolerance policy on the out-of-control temper. You must decide,
for yourself, that behaving this way is simply not okay. Remind yourself that it
is possible to manage your emotions. Think back to times when you were
successful at controlling your anger. Perhaps you bit your tongue rather than
hollering at the boss. Or you were just about to let it fly at your husband when
your in-laws called and suddenly you couldn't believe the sweetness of your own
voice. See? We all have the power to suddenly change our mood.
Be prepared. Lots of things can go wrong each day; be ready for them. For
example, if you've got babies, pack a bag with at least one extra shirt for
everyone (even Dad), a complete outfit for each toddler, and several for the
infants. Stow them in the back of the car with extra diapers and plenty of baby
wipes.
Is there anything specific that triggers your anger? Keep a journal for those
times when you feel like you're ready to fly off the handle. Do you notice any
patterns…time of day, hunger level, lack of exercise, a full calendar? Even
noise from a TV or radio can contribute to a feeling of over-stimulation, which
can set off an emotional explosion. Create a nurturing environment for yourself.
Take care of yourself. We're more likely to react to a situation - rather than
to simply act - when we haven't gotten enough sleep or we haven't been eating
right. Start your day with a light breakfast that includes carbohydrates and
protein. Then continue to eat for energy throughout the day.
Daily exercise provides a physical release to help you control anxiety and
aggression throughout the day. A half-hour of kickboxing can release tension you
didn't even know you had. I know I'm not the only mom addicted to Tae-Bo tapes.
We kick and punch our way back to sanity every afternoon.
A regular routine of prayer and meditation can calm a chaotic mind. Sit quietly
for at least 15 minutes a day. Practice a few
yoga stretches when things get tense.
Decide how you'll deal with certain situation before they arise. What makes you
want to blow your top? Whether it's toddler temper tantrums or the preschooler's
occasional whine, determine how you will handle those things beforehand - while
you're calm.
Understand your child. Read up on child development and put yourself in their
shoes. Ask yourself: "What's it like to be two and not have the skills to
express what you want?" "What's it like for a newborn who finds herself with a
gut-wrenching bellyful of gas and doesn't understand why it hurts?" Kids act the
way they do for a reason. Often, there's a developmental milestone associated
with a child's behavior. Understanding the reasons behind our kids' actions can
go a long way in helping us develop a sense of empathy, compassion and,
ultimately, tolerance.
In the heat of the moment
Take a few deep breaths.
Diaphragmatic breathing helps reduce stress. This will also give you a
time-out, long enough to make a rational assessment of the situation and to help
you regain a sense of control.
Visualize yourself as the cool, calm, person you strive to be. Whom do you know
who embodies these traits? Imagine this person's reaction to the situation.
Stop. Think. Then speak. Remind yourself of the importance of keeping yourself
under control. If you feel anger building inside, don't pick up a baby. Ask for
help or wait until you are calm.
Consciously lower your voice. Yelling will only make a child angry and
defensive, and it can scare a young child. A soft tone says you're in control.
Don't catastrophize. Resist the temptation to blow something out of
proportion. Avoid using the words "always" and "never" when you talk to yourself
and when you talk to other people.
Distract yourself. Is there any way you can laugh about the situation? Ask
yourself: what is the real significance of the situation that triggered your
rage? It's more important to model a healthy approach to stress than it is to
win certain battles.
Choose those battles carefully.
Afterwards, reinforce your love for the child and retreat to assess the way you
handled the situation. What did you do right? What will you do differently next
time?
Anger management is a skill that parenthood can help us learn because it puts us
in situations - daily - when we have no choice but to cope.
Join Momscape today! It's easy and free.
Moms are Raving About
Tranquil Sleep Now A natural cure for insomnia
Gaiam Balance Ball
Bodylastics Exercise Bands
The Smooth Treadmill
Love, Mommy: Writing Love Letters to Your Baby
Momfulness: Mothering with Mindfulness, Compassion, and Grace> More Product Reviews