Surviving as a Single Parent: Seven Suggestions to Make Your Life Easier
by Danielle Hollister
1. Forgive even if you will never be able to Forget -
Let go of grudges you may hold against your child's other parent.
Holding onto feelings of anger will not change your situation and will
probably consume a great deal of your energy - energy you need to devote
to creating a positive environment for your child. If you dwell on your
disappointment with and/or dislike of the father or mother of your child
- chances are your child will sense your feelings and suffer in some way
from your negative attitude.
2. Make the most of everything you have
Even if you do not have a lot of money, you do have your child and your
love and your time to give to him or her. Try to remember that monetary
wealth and material possessions are not the most important items in your
children's life. Your love, support and time together mean much more to
them. You can have fun for free. Activities like - going for a walk or a
bike ride, playing at the park, coloring, painting, singing, or
dancing - will thrill your child just as much as spending money to
3. Be the best parent you can possibly be
Give as much as you can without setting goals that are unrealistic for
one parent to achieve. Don't beat yourself up for what cannot be. Do
recognize what you can do to create a good life for your child to the
best of your abilities.
4. Develop a network of reliable resources
Families are not biological. Surround yourself and your child with
friends you know and trust - people who care about both of you. "Aunts,"
"Uncles," and even "Grandparents" who are not blood-related can be just
as beneficial to your child as actual biological family members. The
"family" you create for your child can provide him or her with the same
kind of love and support as a traditional family. They can also help you
with your responsibilities as a single parent. Let them play an active
role in your child's life. Learn to turn to your "family" when
you need a break. Nobody should have to go it alone and you will
probably be able to be a better parent by relying on your "family" of
close friends to support you and your child.
5. Take responsibility for your life today
Remember, whatever led you to where you are today, you are responsible
for another life - the innocent life of a child, who didn't ask to be
born. Your child is not responsible for the experiences or events that
made you become a single parent. Your child is completely dependent upon
you through no choice of their own. Don't let them down or hold them
accountable for your actions (or the actions of their absent parent).
They are powerless and vulnerable to the possibly less-than-ideal
consequences they face as the child of a single parent. Your role and
influence in their life is paramount to their chances of becoming a
happy, productive, successful adult. They need you more than their words
will ever tell.
6 - Set up daily rituals and regular routines
Your child needs stability and security. One way to provide this is by
developing a daily routine. Simple things, such as going to the park
every Sunday afternoon, eating dinner together each night, sharing a
treat before nap time or reading a book together before bed every night,
will become activities that your child looks forward to and can count on
to occur with regularity.
7 - Be consistent and dependable
Create realistic rules and a standard of discipline that you stick to
all the time. If you're consistent with your children, they will learn
what is acceptable behavior and what is not. They will also learn what
you expect from them and what they can expect from you. If you're
dependable, they will know that they can always count on you to help
them with their homework, be there for dinner or tuck them in bed at
night. They have to be able to depend on you. You're the most important
in their life. Try to remember that no matter how tired you are at the
end of the day or how frustrated you may become when they're fussy -
They need you to be there for them. You should cherish every moment with
your child - they are the best blessings on earth.
© Danielle Hollister (2000)
Danielle Hollister is the Writing Host at BellaOnline
http://www.bellaonline.com/career/writing.html
and Publisher of BellaOnline's Writing Zine
http://www.egroups.com/subscribe/bellaonlinewriting
to subscribe send email to:
bellaonlinewriting-subscribe@egroups.com
