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Shy Kids: How to Help Kids Make Friends
by
Armin Brott
www.mrdad.com
Dear Mr. Dad: Our daughter is very shy and seems to have very few
friends. My wife and I worry that there’s something wrong with her and
we want to help her make more friends. What can we do?
A: There’s no magic number of friends a child should have and your
child’s temperament will play a major role in determining whether she
has one or a dozen (more on this below). Your job should be to stress
quality not quantity. Here’s how you can help:
* Actively encourage your child to get involved in playgroups, either by
setting them up yourself or by joining a group of other parents of
preschoolers. While it comes naturally to some, for others, making
friends takes a lot of practice. Kids who don't have ample opportunities
to interact with other children may never learn how.
* Keep your child’s temperament in mind. “Active kids who adapt well to
new situations have the most friends,” says James Cameron, Ph.D.,
director of The Preventive Ounce in Oakland, California. “But kids who
are shy and slower to adapt usually have far fewer—but much
deeper—friendships. They often have trouble handling any more than one
friend at a time and tend to have ‘serial friendships’ instead.” On a
play date, your active child will take off with a new or old friend the
minute you get in the door, and he might not even notice when you leave.
But if you have a shy child, expect some clinginess and plan on sticking
around for a while. Telling both children a story or getting the two of
them set up with an art project can really help break the ice.
*
If your child is having some trouble making friends, ask her teacher to
pair her with another child who’s having the same problems. And when
inviting other children over, make sure that you keep the number of
guests to one or two. The trick here is to get your child involved in
doing something with another child that she would enjoy doing on her
own.
About the author:
Armin Brott's bestselling
books have helped
millions of men around the world become the fathers they want to be-and
their children need them to be. His most recent is Fathering Your
School-Age Child. Armin has been a guest on
hundreds of radio and
television shows, writes a nationally syndicated column, "Ask Mr.
Dad," and hosts a weekly radio show. He and his family live in Oakland,
California. You can contact him at
armin@mrdad.com.
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