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Raising Happy Kids
Successful parenting means taking the time to understand what our
children need to be fulfilled, confident, and happy. Of course, that’s
no small task.
Here are 14 guiding principles:
1. First and foremost, recognize the true gravity of your task.
Parenting successful, emotionally happy children involves a great deal
of important, mindful work – and huge, sweeping swaths of time. The
first step is to accept that fact- and to embrace the role of parent as
one of the most important roles anyone has ever taken on.
2. Have a ball. Just because our task is immensely important…that
doesn’t mean it can’t also be great, great fun. Life with a family is a
magnificent adventure- not simply a hassle filled with laundry and
dishes. Remind yourself of this as often as necessary. And when the
daily work of parenting starts to feel like drudgery, it’s time to
devote a day (or, at the very least, an afternoon) for intense family
fun. Get some tickets to a ballgame and relax.
3. Spend a lot of time with your children. When you do so, children
recognize that they are worth lavishing with time, praise, and
attention.
4. Exhibit healthy, successful habits. If you want your kids to be
healthy, fit, kind and compassionate, you‘ll need to live that way, too.
Treat your mind, body, and soul with the utmost respect. Model caring,
kindness, and compassion by working together (as a family) on a
volunteer project a few hours a month.
5. Listen well. Strive to be honest, open, and attentive with your
spouse and kids. When your children are speaking, get down on their
level, ask questions, and really listen to their point of view. True
listening does wonders for your children’s self esteem, and it helps
them to grow into good listeners themselves. Minimize social contact
with adults who are continually “shushing” the children.
6. Show your children that you are genuinely interested in them. Make
sure to let them know – through your words and behavior – that you care
about what they like to do, even if that’s altogether different from
what the rest of the family enjoys. Get involved in activities that
interest your child. Whatever it is, learn the lingo and sit down to
learn from your child.
7. Try not to criticize, but work with your child on mistakes in a
respectful way. Never criticize in front of other adults or children,
including siblings. Work to understand their unique point of view.
Taking the time to do so sends a message that you accept and trust their
decisions and that their opinions are valuable and important.
8. Don’t label your kids – even when those labels sound harmless. Try
not to tell your children that they are shy or overly dramatic or too
sensitive. Respect the person whom they are and the adult they are
becoming, while respecting all the stages they will grow through to get
there.
9. Choose your battles very carefully, and allow natural consequences to
teach the lessons themselves whenever possible.
10. Be accepting of your children’s friends. Encourage your children to
invite their friends over.
11. Be enthusiastic. Make sure your face lights up when your children
come near you.
12. Share family stories, whether through a family journal, a scrapbook,
or by simply telling one another over and over again about the memories
that you treasure.
13. Read aloud at all ages and stages. Cuddle up under a blanket in the
evenings to read silently, each with a different book. Ask your kids to
make up stories and tell them aloud – or create illustrated books to
share.
14. Treasure all the generations. Revere the grandparents, aunts,
uncles, cousins. Show your children that family is something they can
count on for their entire lives.
All this can be distilled into one simple rule: Never let the big
picture fade from view. In other words, make sure you have identified
your true goal as a parent and live from that frame of mind. For
example: My only goal as a parent is to raise happy, kind children who
trust themselves and who enjoy peace of mind.
If, this week, they decide to eat Top Ramen every night for dinner and
sometimes forget to put their shoes in the closet, so be it.
Enjoy the joyful journey of this tremendous task of parenting.
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