What's it Like to Be a Dad Today?
We hear a lot about the Supermom Syndrome but rarely about our
Superdads.
We place higher expectations on fathers in today's society than ever
before. Unlike previous generations, dads today are expected to take a
proactive role in caring for the children physically as well as
financially.
Gone are the days when a man arrives home from work, loosens his tie,
slips off his shoes, and reclines in the Lazyboy with his newspaper,
which he thumbs through as he waits for his dinner to be served.
Today, many dads don't get that decompression time after a day at work.
Some of the dads pick up their children from daycare on their way home.
Others are immediately struck with the hassles of the day while they
struggle to make the instant transition from professional to father.
As a stay-at-home mom, I often wondered why my husband would sit in the
car for a few moments after he pulled into the driveway. Until, that is,
one day when my husband watched our one-year-old, and it was my turn to
come home exhausted from a busy and hectic day. How I wished I had
stayed in the car just long enough to take a few deep breaths.
Today's dads, much like many of today's moms, must juggle the guilt of
not spending enough time with the family with the guilt of not giving it
their all at work.
But women seem to have more support with their struggle. Magazine
articles, support groups, and websites warn moms of the risks of burning
out and the importance of taking care of themselves. They dole out
advice on balancing life and relationships. Fathers don't often band
together like moms do.
Even while men are expected to independently take on a more nurturing
role, they are slammed in the media. We watch television shows that too
often portray fathers as bumbling idiots, scared stiff of changing their
own baby's diaper and incapable of anything other than watching a ball
game and slugging beer. We sit through news reports of deadbeat dads and
women who have beaten the odds despite, not with the help of, the men in
their lives.
As natural nurturers, women have long taken on the social stereotype of
being the dominant parent. Sometimes--and I hate to admit that I'm
guilty of this, too--we may subconsciously sabotage their parenting
efforts to make ourselves feel more important.
It's important for us to recognize that dads interact with children
differently than we do. These techniques are neither better nor worse.
Just different. Dads may tend to allow the child to reach a higher level
of frustration than a mother would, which may be an important lesson in
resilience.
The father serves an integral role in a child's life. Spending time with
both parents helps children develop an understanding of separation,
transition, autonomy, and gender roles.
Here's to all of the great dads out there, and all of the men who strive
to be great dads. Here's to my husband, who would make a better
stay-at-home parent than I. He is more patient and more experienced with
children. He rarely gets bored, even on the afternoon's eighth reading
of Green Eggs and Ham. In his downtime, he does a load of laundry and
whips up a heaping platter of Beef Stroganoff when all I see in the
fridge is pickles and ketchup.
I'm going downstairs to interrupt Dr. Seuss and to tell him how much I
appreciate the work he does. Maybe it's time we all spent just a few
minutes thinking about the pressures our husbands, and to applaud them
for all the things they do.




