7 Secrets to Staying Positive in the Face of Negativity
by Lori Radun
Everybody has been around a negative person at least once in life -
probably many times. A negative person will bring you down and drain
your energy. If you allow them to, negative people will make you angry
and challenge your ability to remain positive. Whether your child or
spouse has an occasional negative day or you deal with a family member,
friend or co-worker that is chronically negative, there are things you
can do to remain positive in the face of negativity.
Do Not Argue with Negativity
When you are dealing with a negative person, the worst thing you can do
is argue with him. This only adds fuel to the fire. A negativ person
will feed off any negativity that will reinforce his mood or attitude. I
have noticed when my children are in a cranky mood, it is best to avoid
trying to convince them that their attitude needs adjustment. As soon as
I take the approach of being in opposition with them, they pounce on the
opportunity to ensure me that life stinks. Their negativity escalates
and the situation gets worse before it gets better. Know when to remain
silent and let the negativity pass.
Flood Negativity with Love
A negative person often needs love and attention. The irony of the
situation is that a negative person is difficult to love. It is our
challenge to rise above the negative behavior and love the injured and
often fearful person that is deep inside. How can you show love when
someone is negative? You must listen to what she is telling you.
Acknowledge the feelings she has by saying something like, "It sounds
like you are very upset with your boss". Even if you don't quite
understand the person's feelings, know that your reality is different
than someone else's. Ask how you might help the negative person. This
shows a genuine concern for his happiness. Offer a hug even if you get
rejected. Remember not to take a rejection of your love personally. A
negative person often has difficulty receiving love from others.
Look for the Positive
There is always gold to be found in any negative situation. Pretend you
are on a treasure hunt and search for anything positive you can
highlight. Even a negative person has positive qualities. When a person
is drowning in negativity, it can be difficult to see the light. So
often my clients share the negative things about themselves, only for me
to counter with something positive. I admit that sometimes a negative
person doesn't want to see the positive. This might require her to shift
her perspective. Negativity can become a person's best friend and no one
wants to willingly give up their best friend. Be patient and gently
remind your grumpy friend or family member to look for the pot of gold
at the end of the rainbow. Hopefully, in her down time, she will begin
to reflect on what you have said.
Ask Negative People to Be Specific
If you pay close attention, you'll notice negative people often speak in
generalizations. You may hear them say things like: "Men are jerks."
"It's wrong to be on welfare." "My job is making me miserable." These
kinds of statements are referred to as cognitive distortions. To help a
person sort through her distorted thinking, ask for more specifics.
Questions like "Which men are jerks?" or "What specifically about your
job is making you miserable?" forces a person to evaluate what he or she
is really trying to say. A negative person will either give up
because it takes too much effort to explain himself, or he or she will
get to the bottom of the issue.
Detach and Let Go of Trying to Change the Negative Person
The more you try to change a negative person, the more he or she will
fight to remain negative. Detach from the emotion and let the negative
person be negative. You can even try a little reverse psychology and
agree with everything she says. I once read a great article about a
mother who was exasperated with her son's negative mood. Everything she
tried to soothe him and make him feel better backfired. She finally gave
up and started agreeing with everything he said. When her son told her
he had no friends, she agreed with him. When he complained that his
teacher was stupid, she couldn't agree more. After several minutes of
this kind of dialogue with her son, his mood suddenly shifted. He
declared that he was tired and he went to bed with a smile on his face.
Avoid the Negative Person
I agree that some people are so chronically negative that you have no
other choice but to avoid them. If you have negative people in your life
that are critically affecting your mental and physical health, you need
to evaluate whether or not you want these people in your life. There are
certain people like a boss, friend or co-worker that you can remove from
your life or at least avoid for long periods of time. Other people, such
as children and spouses, may require professional intervention if their
negativity is affecting your life. Reinforce very strong
boundaries with chronically negative people so you can protect your well
being.
Manage Your Own Negative Thoughts and Behavior
If you do nothing else but focus on managing your own negative thoughts
and behavior, you will come a long way towards remaining positive. A
negative attitude is infectious, but a positive attitude is contagious
as well. Surround yourself with positive people that encourage you to be
your best self. Use positive affirmations to combat negative self-talk.
Express your gratitude for all the positive things in your life. Take
the time everyday to stop and smell the roses, watch children laugh and
play, and listen to the birds chirp in the morning. Read inspirational
material and listen to joyful music. Seek spiritual connectedness with
your God. Do whatever you have to do to remain positive and joyful
despite the negativity you face. The world will be a better place
because of you and your attitude. And you never know, you just might
help a negative person make the transition to a better way of living.
About the author
Lori Radun, CEC ¨C certified life coach for moms. To receive her
FREE mini eCourse on eliminating guilt, her FREE newsletter for moms,
and the special report 155 Things Moms Can Do to Raise Great Children go
to
http://www.true2youlifecoaching.com
