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Bullying Our Kids in Our Homes: Welcome to Cyber Bullying
by Derek Randel
www.stoppingschoolviolence.com
Bullying has gone wireless. What is 'Cyber Bullying' and what can you do
to stop it? School violence expert Derek Randel has some tips you and
your kids can use today.
Last night Tom’s daughter, Sue, came out of her room and said, “I got
another one of those instant messages. It says, ‘tomorrow you had better
not show up at school or else‘.” She has been getting messages
frequently. The result of this is that she no longer likes to turn her
computer on.
Sue is 14 years old and in the 8th grade. She has been bullied at school
for a number of years and she has had a difficult time getting the
Principal and teachers to end it. Sue has two disadvantages that make
her a target. First, she has always had a weight problem, not extremely
heavy but overweight. Second, her last name is hard to pronounce. This
has led to numerous ways to say and spell her name. Others have been
very creative and cruel. Tom is aware that she needs to lose weight but
what can he do about his last name….change it?
This should come as no surprise to anyone, but as technology changes so
do the bullies. Bullying has gone wireless. These are situations our
children face that we never did. How does this happen? The Internet,
cell phones with text messaging, instant messaging, camera phones and
e-mail are the bullies’ new tools.
This is coming to a school near you if it hasn't already. The concerns
involving cyber-bullying include:
1. Cyber-bullying can be much more damaging psychologically and can be
much more intense.
2. It creates a barrier between the bully and the victim. This makes
anyone who normally wouldn't be a bully now becomes a potential bully
because there is no face-to-face contact. Smaller students have found a
way to bully.
3. It is very difficult to catch the bully. When one is suspected or
caught his or her defense is that it was someone else impersonating them
or someone used my password.
4. Camera phones are making cyber-bullying more creative. They take a
student's picture and then they manipulate the photo. Then it is posted
on a website, e-mailed out, or posted on you-tube. Imagine getting an
e-mail of a nude individual with your face attached to it, and you’re
only a teenager.
Parents must be aware
Many kids, including Sue, do not want to report this problem to their
parents for fear of how their parents may react. Many believe their
parents will take away their cell phone, computer, or Internet access.
This is an obvious solution to stopping the messages. Sue feels harassed
by the bully and then punished by her parents when her equipment is
removed. This is a double punishment for her. Parents should strongly
consider removing an Internet connection from a child’s bedroom.
Internet connections need to be in a central location.
SOLUTIONS - Ask questions and act as if you‘re unfamiliar with the
topic. For example, have you heard of anyone receiving improper messages
on their phone? Does anyone use their camera phones for taking pictures
of others who don’t want their picture taken? Also, everything must be
documented.
Text Messaging When Sue receives an obscene message, threat, or
abusive message on her phone we want to teach her to not respond. Your
wireless provider should be notified.
Chat-rooms and Instant Messaging
1. She should never give out personal information.
2. She should not share her password.
3. If Sue receives inappropriate messages, have her disconnect or block
the sender.
4. She should not respond to inappropriate messages. We do not want a
dialogue to begin.
5. She should avoid giving out the name of her school.
6. No child should ever agree to meet anyone from a chat-room. That 17
year-old stud just may be a 53 year-old bald man with a potbelly.
E-Mail Once again, when Sue is sent an inappropriate email, she should
not respond. Go to the source button to find out information on tracking
where it was sent from. If it was sent from someone at school, then
print the e-mail to use as proof. Sue’s parents can contact the school
or their service provider to see what options are available. If there
are threats involved, then contacting the police is always an option.
Look into e-mail filters, creating folders for these e-mails, and spam
software to block them. Whatever you choose, it will never be 100%
perfect in blocking unwanted e-mails. Filters do not block
cyber-bullying messages.
Handling the topic of cyber-bullying with your child before it becomes a
problem will make it easier when and if it becomes a problem. Your child
needs your guidance and ignoring this issue does not help or support
anyone who is a victim of cyber-bullying.
About the
author:
Derek Randel is a parent coach who speaks nationally on how to remove
the yelling from your home and how to protect your child/student from
bullying and school violence. Derek has been seen on many television
shows and is heard on radio shows around the country. He shares his
years of experience as a high school and middle school educator and was
nominated for a Disney American Teacher Award. He also is a certified
stepfamily coach through the Step-Family Foundation. For more
information visit
www.stoppingschoolviolence.com.
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