My Child Hits Me: What Should I Do?
We parents understand that very young children can’t communicate with
words. And many young children will resort to other means to try to get
their messages and needs across. Sometimes kids will cry, sometimes
they’ll throw temper tantruns, and sometimes a child might even hit. And
- while you may expect some of this behavior from a toddler, how much
should you tolerate and what should you do?
Until kids learn to speak, they’ll use whatever means they have to
communicate. Even though this behavior might be common, you probably
don’t want your toddler to continue hitting, especially out of anger.
The first time your child hits you, hold his hands so he can’t hit
again. You can also turn him away from you, cross his arms in front of
him and hold him in your arms. Be sure to explain (in a firm voice) that
hitting isn’t nice and reinforce that you love him but you don’t like it
when he hits you or anyone else.
Here are some tips that might be helpful:
1. Be a good role model for your child. The topic of
spanking is one that is volatile, to say the least. However, some
parents still use this as a form of discipline. If your child does
something you don’t like and you spank them, they may think hitting is
alright.
2. Explain to your child that she should never hit out of anger.
This doesn’t mean she can’t get angry, because anger is an
emotion; it simply means she cannot hit someone else while she's angry.
Tell her hitting isn’t nice - and that when someone is angry they may
actually hit harder than they think they are. And that means someone
could get seriously hurt. Make sure you speak on your child's level and
use words she'll understand.
3. Acknowledge your child’s feelings. Help them express
their anger in simple words such as “me mad” or “want it.” Find books
which are at your child’s level which address anger or hitting. Even if
they can only use one or two words at a time, help them realize that
using words instead of hitting will enable you to find a solution to
their problem.
4. Time outs may be another option if your child is hitting you.
Tell them you will not accept being hit and if they do they
will have to sit down, think about what they’ve done and they will not
be allowed to play or watch television. Place a time out chair in a
corner of the room you’re in, facing a wall or corner and put your child
in it if they hit you or anyone else. Tell them they are allowed to get
up when they can apologize for hitting you and mean it.
5. Teach them to walk away. Let your child know that
she can also put herself in a “time out” of sorts by walking away when
she is angry. When she’s feeling less angry, she can come back and talk
with you to let you know why they were angry.
No one wants their child to hit them or anyone else, and it’s important
to help children deal with anger when they are very young so they are
able to express anger in non-violent ways as they get older. If you feel
that your child is exhibiting ongoing or unusual patterns of aggression
or anger, don't be afraid to get professional help.
More resources for parents of toddlers:
All Toddler Parenting
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