Today at Momscape.com: Are you an Earth Mother or a Creative Rainbow Mother? Find out.
Coupons | Product Reviews | Contests | Articles | Forums | Search | Subscribe
Family Fun | Parenting Tips | Romance | Health & Fitness | Organic Living | Weight Loss | WAHMs
Welcome Momscapers!
Momscape.com is an award winning online magazine delivering
uplifting personal essays
from real parents - plus
practical guidance on parenting,
family fun,
romance,
travel,
health & fitness,
weight loss,
and more.
We invite you to share your
MamaWisdom and to help us
spotlight
products that make your life as a mom easier or better while you
enjoy our money-saving
online coupons and
family travel
discounts.
We want to help you enjoy the
simple (and fine) things life has to offer.
Subscribe to Momscape >
or
Get Our Daily Coupon Updates by Email
Bookmark and share Momscape with your friends:
Today:
Online Coupons
Today's
Favorite Coupons
All Online
Coupons by Store
All Online Coupons by
Category
Printable
Grocery Coupons
Product Reviews
Momscape's
Favorite Things (Blog)
Top-Rated
Mom Product Reviews
Family Fun
Activities & Crafts
Family Travel
Deals
Free Scrapbooking Ideas
Parenting Articles
Baby Tips
Toddler Tips
All Parenting Articles
Inspiration/Essays
Relationships
Marriage
Romance
Friendships
Health
and Fitness
Fitness Tips
Natural Living
Nurturing Your Spirit
Weight Loss
Professional
Family Manager Tips
Home-Based Business
Community
MamaWisdom Forums
About Momscape
Subscribe
Site Map
Links
Link to Us
Privacy Policy
Terms of Service
About us
Contact Us
My Child Was Bullied By Another Parent – What Can I Do?
by Derek Randel
www.stoppingschoolviolence.com
Eight-year old Becky came home from school last Tuesday and was upset
with how Sarah was treating her. The two of them have been friends since
they were four-years old. As her father I wasn’t worried about the two
of them having a disagreement. But what Becky said next just floored me,
“Dad, Sarah’s mom was school today and she started yelling at me and
called me a spoiled brat!”
As Becky’s father I wanted to call Sarah’s mom right away and straighten
this out and let her know that she can’t talk to my daughter that way.
We have always been cordial to each other but she did seem to be a very
strict parent. She can yell at her daughter but I won’t allow her to
yell at mine. After calming down I began to wonder if calling her and
fighting for Becky would really be best for all of us. What other
options are open to me when another parent bullies my daughter and what
can I tell Becky?
I realized that I had choices: I could become involved and straighten
this mother out and this for me would be the fun choice. This of course
would end up having the two of us not getting along anymore even if our
children become friends again. Or I can let Becky deal with it herself
after all it is her problem, right? But this might deliver a hidden
message that when you have a problem your father is not available to
help you and with the teen years around the corner I want her to feel
like I will be there for her.
A third choice and the one I chose, was to empower Becky with techniques
for handling these types of situations. According to our parent plan,
(you do have a parent plan don’t you?) we want to teach our children
proper manners, how to address adults, how to treat others, and how to
handle life when things don’t go your way. Here are three solutions that
can make a difference for both you and your child in this difficult
situation.
Modeling - The best way to teach any trait is to model it for your
child. If you do not want your child to smoke, then it is best
that you avoid smoking. Your child observes everything you do; nothing
gets by their eyes. If they see you hold the door open for the elderly,
then they will learn that this is the expected thing to do in our
society. The old adage, do as I say not as I do, does not work
when it comes to parenting.
Boundaries - We want to teach our children about boundaries. There are
many types of boundaries. Remember that boundaries set limits.
Here are some types of boundaries:
Physical Boundaries – You allow someone to enter your physical space.
Sexual Boundaries – You determine how you’re going to be sexual with
someone.
Emotional Boundaries – You determine what you want or how you want to
think or feel about any topic.
Spiritual Boundaries – You have the right to think and believe what you
want.
Boundaries are all about freedom and recognizing when these freedoms
have been crossed. Boundaries give us a framework in which to
negotiate life events. Recognizing and acting when our boundaries
have been crossed will protect our freedoms. By building foundations
based on mutual trust, love, and respect we can expect our children to
grow up more tolerant and with mature characters. Simply put, boundaries
will simplify your life.
Self-Concept - Think of self-concept as a road map for our life. It
determines where we go, what we achieve, and how we get there. If our
children feel good about themselves, then they will feel capable of
achieving success. Our behavior matches our self-concept. Now for the
bad news: you cannot give your children high self-concept. High
self-concept is an inside job. You cannot catch it from others like you
do the flu. But, there are numerous ways you can help build their
self-concept.
If I had modeled the expected behavior, if I taught Becky about her
boundaries, and if I helped her nurture a high self-concept then I
believe Becky would have the necessary techniques to handle Sarah’s
mother bullying her and many other situations she finds herself in.
Becky would know to be polite to every adult. She also would recognize
when her boundaries have been crossed. Whenever someone crosses into
your boundaries you must react but this is hard when so many people do
not recognize their own boundaries. Becky knows no matter who crosses
her boundaries she is to walk away and get the nearest authority figure
to help. The idea that I can and I’m able to walk away from an adult is
very important for all children. Becky now knows she is nobody’s
punching bag or verbal garbage can. Imagine how many children would live
a better life if they had this belief. Becky also knows that just
because someone is your friend doesn’t mean she has to stay a friend if
she is mean or abusive, or even if you just grow apart.
Sarah will have many issues to deal with because of her mother’s
behavior. Look at the wonderful behavior that is being modeled and the
mother does not seem to understand where her boundaries end and Sarah’s
begin.
In our life all of us including our children will run into nasty people
like Sarah’s mother. We do not have to own their garbage just because
they’re trying to give it to us. By sharing with your child these simple
techniques you’re giving them roots and wings simultaneously.
About the Author:
Derek Randel is a parent coach who speaks nationally on how to remove
the yelling from your home and how to protect your child/student from
bullying and school violence. Derek has been seen on many television
shows and is heard on radio shows around the country. He is the author
of Stopping School Violence and was nominated for a Disney American
Teacher Award. He also is a certified stepfamily coach through the
Step-Family Foundation. For more information visit
www.stoppingschoolviolence.com.
Coupons for Momscape Readers:
Offers valid for a limited time.
Office Depot Coupons: $30 off $150
Target.com Coupons:
Free shipping on select baby gear
Overstock Coupons: $5 off $100
Weight Watchers Coupon: 25% off
Join Momscape today! It's easy and free.
More Top Coupons:
Click this link and the discount shown will be automatically activated.
Moms are Raving About
> Tae Bo Kicks Billy Blanks Workout for Kids
> Collectopia Wacktivity and A Friendship Scraptacular
> Micro Spy Kit X2 Toy
> Bugaboo Chameleon Stroller
> Burt's Bees Baby Bee Skin reme
> Perego Primo Viaggio Infant Car Seat
> Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, by Ina May Gaskins
> Rocket Spanish
> NordicTrack 740 Stepper
> More Product Reviews