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“Pick Me Up Mommy”
Ten Reasons to Hold Your Toddler
by Joanne Baum
Some parents begin to think that toddlers shouldn’t be held as much as
they were holding their babies a few months ago. But I think
that’s largely a misperception. Toddlers still need a lot of holding.
Think of life from their perspective: They’ve just discovered a whole
perspective on the world from their legs instead of their knees.
They can see more, climb more, explore more - which is heady fun stuff
and scary to them when they touch more things that go "crash" and break
or fall and thump. They need reassurance that where their brains are
taking them is safe. They need more explanations of the new
encounters they don’t understand. And they need holding and nurturing so
they feel safe and can go back out there and explore some more…
Why They Need “Arm Time”
1. They need reassurance that where their brains are taking them to is
safe.
2. They need explanations for the new experiences they don’t understand.
3. They need holding and nurturing so they feel safe and can go back out
there and explore some more.
4. Toddlers still have "needs" for closeness and holding.
5. Toddlers are not as independent creatures as they may seem at times.
6. Toddlers are still very young and holding, when they ask for it, it’s
still important to do with a generous heart.
7. Parents are feeding their child's self-esteem, confidence, trust, and
sociability by holding them when they ask for it.
8. A child usually asks for holding when they need some security,
closeness and human connection.
9. The world is still a pretty foreign place to them and that need for
human connection, to feel secure; to feel safe is important to their
developing beings.
10. If you hold a toddler with resentment, or mixed feelings, the
toddler will feel your unwillingness and that may make him feel more
insecure and want to be held more - so when you do hold your child, hold
your child lovingly, willingly and with compassion and a desire to give
that child exactly what she needs.
I think toddlerhood is too young to stop a child from asking for "uppys"
It's a time to willingly give uppys. If your child is too heavy
for you, then tell your child you'd love to cuddle with him on the coach
or in a comfy chair instead of holding him as you walk around the house.
But give your child the cuddles he/she is asking for them. You're
nurturing your child and it's good for your child to get those needs for
nurturing met. If it feels like it’s "too much" for you, ask yourself if
you've been ignoring or neglecting your child's requests for other kinds
of attention, or pre-occupied with work/personal things and unable to
give your child as much as your child needs…If so, realize that your
young child needs a lot from you. When you became a parent, hopefully
you signed on for becoming and being a great parent, not just a barely
adequate one. Feel good that your child feels safe enough to ask
you for ‘uppys’.
Also, remember - this parenting thing goes really fast. Before you know
it your child won't be asking for “uppy” anymore. And before you
know it you'll be fondly remembering the cuddly times and wishing your
child wanted more cuddles.
By adolescence, you won’t be cuddling nearly as often and that comes
sooner than you think when you’re looking at your toddler and wondering
if your body will ever be yours again.
J
oanne
Baum, PhD., LCSW, has been a therapist, parenting coach, educator, and
writer for over thirty years. Her latest book,
Got the Baby Where’s the Manual?!? won the 2007 IPPY Gold Medal in
Parenting. You can find more information on her web-site:
www.respectfulparenting.com.
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