Six Easy Steps for Dads and Newborns to Bond
by Joanne Baum, PhD
www.respectfulparenting.com
Sometimes couples begin to rely on one parent (usually the mom) to
provide care to their newborn. The mom may feel like she knows best,
she’s had more experience, and she’s the nursing parent so she must be
there for the baby…But the dads need to be in there too or a pattern can
develop where dads feel left out and don’t try as much. The mom’s
can get frustrated and upset interpreting their husband’s reticence to
mean he doesn’t “love” the baby the way they do, and anger can build.
Dads can feel pushed out of the parenting role, unappreciated and
underutilized, especially if they think their wife thinks she knows how
to do it better than him… To try and keep peace dads may withdraw more.
To avoid this slippery slope, dads can get involved from day one. You’re
excited, anxious, thrilled, nervous, tired and somewhat confused. Become
a team to find out all about your baby and what you can do to help your
baby’s transition from womb to the world. Talk a lot with each
other and more importantly really listen to each other. Be kind
and gentle to each other and your baby as you all learn about each other
in your new roles as mom, dad, and newborn baby in this world…
1. Get it right on in from day one and hold your baby. If you’re
scared hold you baby while you’re sitting in a comfortable chair.
You can even use a pillow to help cradle your newborn in your arms.
Build your confidence by watching your baby in your arms.
2. Remember, when you’re baby cries it’s not your “fault,” you haven’t
done anything wrong – your baby is simply talking to you in baby talk:
Check to see if your baby wants a bottle, wants to be held in a quieter
place, wants to be changed, needs some sleep, or wants to be held and
talked to. Chances are it’s one of those 5 things.
3. Remember you’re as important to your baby as its mom. Babies
need more than one active care giver and you can help your baby’s
self-esteem flourish by giving your baby attention and time from the
very beginning.
4. Take some alone time with your baby. Encourage your wife to take a
break. She can even leave the house for a half hour at first, then
an hour or two as you’re more comfortable being alone with your very
young child.
5. Talk with your wife about how you each want to parent your
newborn and why. Listen with open ears and tell the other person what
you her them saying so you both make sure the message you were sending
was the message they received. It can be fun to combine both your
ideas and philosophies about parenting so you’re on the same page.
6. When in doubt ask for help, from friends you trust, relatives, books.
About the Author:
Joanne Baum, PhD. Founder of Respectful Parenting, and author of the
2007 IPPY Gold Medal award winning book in parenting, Got the Baby
Where’s the Manual?!? has been a therapist, educator and parenting coach
for over thirty years. For more information on Joanne go to
www.respectfulparenting.com.
